Texting while walking

I would like to start purposely positioning myself in front of these people. When they bump into me I wanna say "hey, I'm walkin here"

Chillow

-This commercial for a pillow top that is cold called "chillow" The commercial uses a fat guy. My reaction..."maybe lose a hundred pounds and you won't be so hot in bed"

Race against the clock

Can I poop in the time it takes to cook mozzarella sticks?

The answer is yes... This time

Home Alone

The premise of Home alone only works with rich houses with multiple entrances. If a team of crooks tried to break into my apt they would all be donzo.

Free food to make people lose weight

Restaurants should offer free food or lower prices if you're under a certain weight. I know I would bust my ass to lose a few pounds if it meant I got a free pizza.

Healthy?

Why do people call me a "health nut" just because I don't want cake? I think the amount of pizza and Chinese food I consume makes me the opposite of a health nut

Towels

I just found myself walking through jc penny and I said to myself "i really like those bath towels" what has my life come to. Is this growing up?

Things I do when I'm alone...

-Clap during the Friends theme song.
-Shower with the door open to avoid steam.

The self titled tour

So last night I was about a minute away from buying a ticket to see paramore tonight. Instead I decided to watch a bunch of their new songs played live on YouTube. Same thing right?

Trick or treating at the mall

The cherry hill mall had trick or treating this year. I think it's a great idea. Naturally I would be just circling the food court getting me some bourbon chicken.

Halloween candy

Next time I live in a neighborhood with trick or treaters there will be 3 tiers of candy: regular size for awesome costumes, fun size for regular costumes, and raisins for "a football jersey is not a costume"